Mornnnnning, everyone!! I'm so happy for this long weekend so I can just chill out and enjoy myself. By chill out I mean lay in bed watching House, hoping the seasons I didn't buy just show up at my house. Hey, a girl can dream.
So, today is the halfway point of my 28 Day "Get Your Life" Challenge and I am noticing something that's making me not so happy. I'm ANGRY for at least a quarter longer now. Before I started this things took at the most an hour to cycle through my mind and leave, now it's about an hour and fifteen or so. Yes, I have timed my feelings because I don't always understand them so a concrete concept of what the look/feel like to my body helps. I can tell the difference between humiliation and embarrassment because.one of them is really fleeting, but always comes with a nauseous feeling. And so on and so on, but back to my point. I'm trying to figure out what's going on and here are some of my thoughts.
1) I'm probably no more angry than I've ever been. I'm probably just used to eating something until I felt better. Now I have to find options.
2) I ate when I wasn't hungry and now my body is trying to figure out what's going on here.
3) Might be hangry- angry because I'm hungry.
4) Everyday I get up and do something to try to reverse a lifetime of poor decisions. It makes me angry often, Im not passed that yet.
5) I'm not just angry, I'm feeling some other emotions along with it that are making it feel worse.
I know it probably seems strange to spend so much time in my brain, but it's what works for me. It's never been about just doing something for me, I take deliberate steps when I'm trying to change. When I think of change(try to stay with me) I think of my brain in two parts: the doing and thinking part. Both with separate maintenance departments and shifts. When my doing works before my thinking, it's generally a shitshow. When my thinking works before my doing I'm generally happy, BUT only if my thinking is clear. My thinking on my weight is not clear so the maintenance team is doing some rewiring.
The thinking that's connected now is busted: I eat because Im unhappy, I have very little choice about this weight, Im always going to be this suze. Those are lies my brain keeps telling me because I've trained it that way. Now each of those thoughts has to be rewired into something else. I eat when I'm hungry, I have a ton of choices, and I will not always be this size because I'm working on it. The maintenance time just keeps rewiring until we find a best fit, but in order to do that I have to be uncomfortable for a while.
I have to sit in some of these feelings so that I can take them apart and fix them. Change comes with understanding why you're doing things, even if you've always fine them that same way. So, I guess, I'll have to sit a little longer and try to figure them out as they come. In the meantime, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing!
Hope you guys are joining me on some part of this, it'll be hard but good for you! Enjoy your day and the rest of your long weekend!
So, today is the halfway point of my 28 Day "Get Your Life" Challenge and I am noticing something that's making me not so happy. I'm ANGRY for at least a quarter longer now. Before I started this things took at the most an hour to cycle through my mind and leave, now it's about an hour and fifteen or so. Yes, I have timed my feelings because I don't always understand them so a concrete concept of what the look/feel like to my body helps. I can tell the difference between humiliation and embarrassment because.one of them is really fleeting, but always comes with a nauseous feeling. And so on and so on, but back to my point. I'm trying to figure out what's going on and here are some of my thoughts.
1) I'm probably no more angry than I've ever been. I'm probably just used to eating something until I felt better. Now I have to find options.
2) I ate when I wasn't hungry and now my body is trying to figure out what's going on here.
3) Might be hangry- angry because I'm hungry.
4) Everyday I get up and do something to try to reverse a lifetime of poor decisions. It makes me angry often, Im not passed that yet.
5) I'm not just angry, I'm feeling some other emotions along with it that are making it feel worse.
I know it probably seems strange to spend so much time in my brain, but it's what works for me. It's never been about just doing something for me, I take deliberate steps when I'm trying to change. When I think of change(try to stay with me) I think of my brain in two parts: the doing and thinking part. Both with separate maintenance departments and shifts. When my doing works before my thinking, it's generally a shitshow. When my thinking works before my doing I'm generally happy, BUT only if my thinking is clear. My thinking on my weight is not clear so the maintenance team is doing some rewiring.
The thinking that's connected now is busted: I eat because Im unhappy, I have very little choice about this weight, Im always going to be this suze. Those are lies my brain keeps telling me because I've trained it that way. Now each of those thoughts has to be rewired into something else. I eat when I'm hungry, I have a ton of choices, and I will not always be this size because I'm working on it. The maintenance time just keeps rewiring until we find a best fit, but in order to do that I have to be uncomfortable for a while.
I have to sit in some of these feelings so that I can take them apart and fix them. Change comes with understanding why you're doing things, even if you've always fine them that same way. So, I guess, I'll have to sit a little longer and try to figure them out as they come. In the meantime, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing!
Hope you guys are joining me on some part of this, it'll be hard but good for you! Enjoy your day and the rest of your long weekend!