Morning, peeps! A couple things on this beautiful Monday morning: ***This post is pretty long, but important to me. If you choose only one to read, choose #2. Getting a handle on #2 is part of how I'm making #1 happen***
1) I have lost 18 lbs and currently weigh 261lbs. YAY! That really makes me happy in so many ways. I am not much for physical activity, so to be able to push myself this hard is really encouraging. A lot of things I assumed I couldn't do, I can. Struggling is part of the process right now, but even with that I'm making shit happen!
I get up everyday and focus on that day. My meal prep, for the most part, takes place on Sunday since I food shop now. True story, I may have spent about $200 dollars at a supermarket this year total and that's pushing it. Everything else was ordered, delivered and not made by me. Crazy how 20 days had changed another part of my life already.
I'm going to keep it up, now that I'm in the groove I don't mind it as much. My friends on Facebook are not only supporting me, but joining me. That part feels awesome, kinda like sharing this little light of mine.
2) I am realizing how low my self esteem was before. Borrow Season really kick started me on a different foot. I was able to let go of some things that had been tying me to toxic people on my life. In saying that let me clarify this: there are people who I would consider myself toxic to as well. Had to let them go too!
I let people talk to me however, do whatever and accepted what I was given under the guise of being a "friend". Really what I was doing was chipping away at my self esteem. Everytime I found myself in a situation surrounded by people that didn't give a fuck I internalized it to be about me. "I did this, I said that, I should've..." All this bullshit that I'd been trained to believe from childhood onwards kept me tethered to relationships.
Yesterday, I was so angry because I had a conversation where I swore at someone. I clearly don't have an issue with swearing, but I make it a point to not swear AT people. My stomach hurt for hours after because I allowed myself to be out of character. It was over something I felt strongly about and after I realized-this person does not give a shit about me. She has shown me time and time again that her wants will trump whatever the situation calls for. In that moment I felt pretty violent, another place I don't like to be. Later before bed when I processed with myself I realized I wasn't mad at her. I was mad that I still had hope for an actual friendship and that conversation assured me it's not a possibility. So when I laid down to rest I also put to rest that hope and I'm going to be okay with that.
I will not be bogged down by bad feelings and bullshit. I will not require anything of anyone that's uninterested in an equal relationship. I will not continue to allow what I always allowed anymore. I encourage you to take some time and think about your relationship, impact on other people and if it matters. If the answer is even close to "no", cut them off. You do not need them and they do not need you!
Focus your attention on the things that matter to you, the rest will only hinder you. When you doubt that say to yourself " it's probably best because..." and list off reasons why it's best to not have that in your life. It'll feel shitty, but it'll make you verbalize the issues keeping you away.Try it and let me know how that goes! Enjoy your day, peeps, and make it a good Monday! #LetItGooooo #IfIHaveToChooseIChooseMe #Quality
1) I have lost 18 lbs and currently weigh 261lbs. YAY! That really makes me happy in so many ways. I am not much for physical activity, so to be able to push myself this hard is really encouraging. A lot of things I assumed I couldn't do, I can. Struggling is part of the process right now, but even with that I'm making shit happen!
I get up everyday and focus on that day. My meal prep, for the most part, takes place on Sunday since I food shop now. True story, I may have spent about $200 dollars at a supermarket this year total and that's pushing it. Everything else was ordered, delivered and not made by me. Crazy how 20 days had changed another part of my life already.
I'm going to keep it up, now that I'm in the groove I don't mind it as much. My friends on Facebook are not only supporting me, but joining me. That part feels awesome, kinda like sharing this little light of mine.
2) I am realizing how low my self esteem was before. Borrow Season really kick started me on a different foot. I was able to let go of some things that had been tying me to toxic people on my life. In saying that let me clarify this: there are people who I would consider myself toxic to as well. Had to let them go too!
I let people talk to me however, do whatever and accepted what I was given under the guise of being a "friend". Really what I was doing was chipping away at my self esteem. Everytime I found myself in a situation surrounded by people that didn't give a fuck I internalized it to be about me. "I did this, I said that, I should've..." All this bullshit that I'd been trained to believe from childhood onwards kept me tethered to relationships.
Yesterday, I was so angry because I had a conversation where I swore at someone. I clearly don't have an issue with swearing, but I make it a point to not swear AT people. My stomach hurt for hours after because I allowed myself to be out of character. It was over something I felt strongly about and after I realized-this person does not give a shit about me. She has shown me time and time again that her wants will trump whatever the situation calls for. In that moment I felt pretty violent, another place I don't like to be. Later before bed when I processed with myself I realized I wasn't mad at her. I was mad that I still had hope for an actual friendship and that conversation assured me it's not a possibility. So when I laid down to rest I also put to rest that hope and I'm going to be okay with that.
I will not be bogged down by bad feelings and bullshit. I will not require anything of anyone that's uninterested in an equal relationship. I will not continue to allow what I always allowed anymore. I encourage you to take some time and think about your relationship, impact on other people and if it matters. If the answer is even close to "no", cut them off. You do not need them and they do not need you!
Focus your attention on the things that matter to you, the rest will only hinder you. When you doubt that say to yourself " it's probably best because..." and list off reasons why it's best to not have that in your life. It'll feel shitty, but it'll make you verbalize the issues keeping you away.Try it and let me know how that goes! Enjoy your day, peeps, and make it a good Monday! #LetItGooooo #IfIHaveToChooseIChooseMe #Quality