OMG! I laid down to watch tv at like ten o'clock and fell asleep. I just woke up super excited thinking it was "time to get up", nope- it's 430am! 430...in the morning! Why can't my body just cooperate?! My Facebook tells me two things right now 1) A ton of people are awake and 2)People post some real weird shit at this time of night! If you're reading this before 6am, what the hell are you doing awake??
Anywho, a few days ago a friend made a post saying people were saying she was mean. I know her well enough to know she's not mean, but she is blunt as hell. In the 20+ years (holy hell!) I've known her to be uniquely awesome and not mean. I don't see it lol but she had no reason to be mean to me. It's hard to think of her in a light I don't see her in ever.
Then today someone called me mean and I really started thinking hard. Am I mean? Majority of people that know me would say "no". Yet, I've met plenty of other people who would absolutely say "yes, she's an asshole." Kids, coworkers, friends, siblings, people who have worked for me. I think that at times my perfectionism had made me seem more abrasive than I am. I like things to be done in a fashion that makes sense, my sense of that is not lost because other people are involved. So sometimes I'm "that guy" that doesn't settle for half ass. I'll wear that mean cape all day in those cases. I understand that sometimes people would prefer to do the bare minimum, that's not me! If I'm going to do something I'm going to do it with intention and passion. Are you a settler? Or the one that is always trying to tweak something?
Then there are times when-and I hate to admit this- I am mean! I've shown this side of myself, nicknamed Buella, to a certain number of people. Once I've walked through that door it stays open and that kind of sucks. Not just for the next person, but for me and my happiness. I can disagree, not like or condone something without being mean to people but sometimes I don't. I'm working on it, but it's hard!
First of all, sometimes I don't think I'm being mean. So to scale back when I hear that is hard. If being upset and being mean are interchangeable then it would seem that I should just work on not ever getting upset. Lmfao, did you just laugh at that too?! I'm going to get upset and I have to do a better job of gauging that. My actions are different for "getting upset", "kinda upset" and "now we are both going to be upset". Somtimes, they bleed together quicker than I'd like. :(. What's your levels?
Then there are people that are not ever going to let me live down that I was mean or that I've made some real mistakes. Blah. I could write them off and label them "not for me", but I don't. I probably spend more time trying to figure out how the fuck to make that better. Let me put a disclaimer here: If you disagree with someone you are welcome to do what you want, but if you believe you have been x,y or z- work to fix it. I want to be calmer, communicate clearly and interact on a more respectful level with the people on my life.
So I'm torn because I am mean when I feel dismissed/ like someone is being mean to me. That cannot work! Sure, I can say that if someone's mean to me I can be mean to them, but if I want to ENJOY my life I can't let other people and their actions sway my decisions. I continue to work on my reaction to situations, my ability to walk away (uuuggggh!) and my apologies. Growing up is hard! Change is hard and scary, but I think I'm worth the effort. Not for anyone else but myself. So I guess that's what it comes down to: my desire to do what's best for me has to trump wanting to make a point.
This goes for you too! If your actions are always reactionary you will never learn to control them. You will often spend time trying to figure out what the hell happened because YOU aren't in control. Be honest about why you're mean or cranky or argumentative. Even if you feel like it's the other person, you have to do what's best for you. Even if it feels like you "lost"- you are winning! Haha thanks, John Legend for that perfect line. Live for yourself, becoming a better you is the best thing you could do! I hope you're working in some things with me. We can be scared and unsure together lol. Later today though because I'm going back to bed. Sleep well! #BorrowSeason
Anywho, a few days ago a friend made a post saying people were saying she was mean. I know her well enough to know she's not mean, but she is blunt as hell. In the 20+ years (holy hell!) I've known her to be uniquely awesome and not mean. I don't see it lol but she had no reason to be mean to me. It's hard to think of her in a light I don't see her in ever.
Then today someone called me mean and I really started thinking hard. Am I mean? Majority of people that know me would say "no". Yet, I've met plenty of other people who would absolutely say "yes, she's an asshole." Kids, coworkers, friends, siblings, people who have worked for me. I think that at times my perfectionism had made me seem more abrasive than I am. I like things to be done in a fashion that makes sense, my sense of that is not lost because other people are involved. So sometimes I'm "that guy" that doesn't settle for half ass. I'll wear that mean cape all day in those cases. I understand that sometimes people would prefer to do the bare minimum, that's not me! If I'm going to do something I'm going to do it with intention and passion. Are you a settler? Or the one that is always trying to tweak something?
Then there are times when-and I hate to admit this- I am mean! I've shown this side of myself, nicknamed Buella, to a certain number of people. Once I've walked through that door it stays open and that kind of sucks. Not just for the next person, but for me and my happiness. I can disagree, not like or condone something without being mean to people but sometimes I don't. I'm working on it, but it's hard!
First of all, sometimes I don't think I'm being mean. So to scale back when I hear that is hard. If being upset and being mean are interchangeable then it would seem that I should just work on not ever getting upset. Lmfao, did you just laugh at that too?! I'm going to get upset and I have to do a better job of gauging that. My actions are different for "getting upset", "kinda upset" and "now we are both going to be upset". Somtimes, they bleed together quicker than I'd like. :(. What's your levels?
Then there are people that are not ever going to let me live down that I was mean or that I've made some real mistakes. Blah. I could write them off and label them "not for me", but I don't. I probably spend more time trying to figure out how the fuck to make that better. Let me put a disclaimer here: If you disagree with someone you are welcome to do what you want, but if you believe you have been x,y or z- work to fix it. I want to be calmer, communicate clearly and interact on a more respectful level with the people on my life.
So I'm torn because I am mean when I feel dismissed/ like someone is being mean to me. That cannot work! Sure, I can say that if someone's mean to me I can be mean to them, but if I want to ENJOY my life I can't let other people and their actions sway my decisions. I continue to work on my reaction to situations, my ability to walk away (uuuggggh!) and my apologies. Growing up is hard! Change is hard and scary, but I think I'm worth the effort. Not for anyone else but myself. So I guess that's what it comes down to: my desire to do what's best for me has to trump wanting to make a point.
This goes for you too! If your actions are always reactionary you will never learn to control them. You will often spend time trying to figure out what the hell happened because YOU aren't in control. Be honest about why you're mean or cranky or argumentative. Even if you feel like it's the other person, you have to do what's best for you. Even if it feels like you "lost"- you are winning! Haha thanks, John Legend for that perfect line. Live for yourself, becoming a better you is the best thing you could do! I hope you're working in some things with me. We can be scared and unsure together lol. Later today though because I'm going back to bed. Sleep well! #BorrowSeason