Moooooorning! How'd you like that sleet/snow bullshit you woke up to this morning? Bet you thought we were just gonna enjoy spring uninterrupted lol NOPE, welcome to New England. I don't even mind the actual weather, but it would be nice to just enjoy one type of weather for like one whole day or so. I don't think that is too much to ask!
So last night after filming my little buddy Nas I went home to chill and think. I had been out of my house all day and I was so happy to see my couch and just relax with some Grey's Anatomy playing in the background. You know, just loving the shit out of the simple life lol.I think it is funny that a month ago I was convinced that "getting happy" was going to cost me a shitload of money- IT HAS NOT! I don't know if that is because of the activities I picked or if I just had unrealistic expectations of how to get help, I'm gonna guess it was the latter.
Anyway, I started to think about my worth as a person, seems a little heavy for a Tuesday night inner monologue, but it is a conversation I have been having since the start of Lent. I think it has something to do with the fact that I knew from the beginning that some of the changes I was going to make were going to be best for me, but possibly not best for everyone else. For example, I used to think that it was just best to ignore a lot of things, especially when they didn't feel "like a big deal". Now, I am able to be honest about my feelings and I understand that I have to speak to be heard. Now when an issue presents itself I am able to weigh the importance of the situation, the person and my needs at that time before I make a decision. I'm finding that I am having to have a lot of difficult conversations that I didn't bargain for in the name of being a better me. Look at me, growing and whatnot! lol
So before, some of my worth was based on what I got from other people and that made me...wait for it...needy! I wanted other people to validate me as a good person, great friend and all around awesome woman lol. I hate to admit that for a few reasons, including the vulnerability that comes from speaking about my flaws.. Yet, I feel fine stating that because I know that it is a past truth and not something that I need to continue to carry around with me. Now I know that my worth cannot be figured out by a math equation: other people's opinions+ trying really to please people -my own feelings/ the time I invested in them. I know now that the total of my worth is about ME and I set those boundaries. I am worthy, not because I am dating X or friends with Y or driving Z, but because of who I am.
That means that on my bad days I am still worthy of happiness, respect and the energy it takes to keep a smile on my face. I am worthy because I know that I have done the work to find my self worth. I remind myself daily how great I am, how funny and encouraging I am-not because I am cocky, but because most days I used to tell myself "you're almost a good person" or "if such and such is upset, you need to fix it!". Changing the language that I use to speak to myself has really changed my thoughts. We all know that your thoughts control your actions and so forth, so it is no surprise that I am happier when I spend so much time working on retraining myself to think more positively. Don't get me wrong, it is hard work and it requires me to be honest, I know that I cannot change my thoughts if I don't change the basis of those thoughts. Am I confusing you?? lol If you're confused think of the movie Inception, they had to change not just the circumstances but the smallest detail of the dreams/thoughts of their subjects. You gotta learn to do some "Inception" type stuff on yourself lol pay attention to those reoccurring bad thoughts and work to correct them. Not all at one time, but as much as you feel comfortable.
I want you to understand that if you feel less than whole, if you feel broken or splintered you are in fact a whole and beautiful person. All the parts of you are for a bigger purpose than you may ever have thought about. Your worth is not about what you have or don't have, its about who you are. We all are worth something and sometimes its hard to see that in the context of a person and not a "system" you belong to ( aka a family, a group of friends, a job, a school, a tax bracket!), but you are worth everything you want. That doesn't mean you will get it, but that is also NOT a matter of your worth. Take the time to appreciate who you are and stop stressing yourself out with bad ass math. YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH!
Enjoy your day and try to change one negative , nagging thought you had today. Mine is "If I eat that food I will feel bad after", I have changed that to three options. 1) "I will feel bad, so I won't eat that!" 2) "I am hungry, I should find something that doesn't make me feel bad!" and 3) "You are feeling bad about a decision you have not made yet, that feeling will be multiplied if you continue to focus on it. Focus on something else for 15 minutes"...have options! Talk tomorrow! #BorrowSeason
So last night after filming my little buddy Nas I went home to chill and think. I had been out of my house all day and I was so happy to see my couch and just relax with some Grey's Anatomy playing in the background. You know, just loving the shit out of the simple life lol.I think it is funny that a month ago I was convinced that "getting happy" was going to cost me a shitload of money- IT HAS NOT! I don't know if that is because of the activities I picked or if I just had unrealistic expectations of how to get help, I'm gonna guess it was the latter.
Anyway, I started to think about my worth as a person, seems a little heavy for a Tuesday night inner monologue, but it is a conversation I have been having since the start of Lent. I think it has something to do with the fact that I knew from the beginning that some of the changes I was going to make were going to be best for me, but possibly not best for everyone else. For example, I used to think that it was just best to ignore a lot of things, especially when they didn't feel "like a big deal". Now, I am able to be honest about my feelings and I understand that I have to speak to be heard. Now when an issue presents itself I am able to weigh the importance of the situation, the person and my needs at that time before I make a decision. I'm finding that I am having to have a lot of difficult conversations that I didn't bargain for in the name of being a better me. Look at me, growing and whatnot! lol
So before, some of my worth was based on what I got from other people and that made me...wait for it...needy! I wanted other people to validate me as a good person, great friend and all around awesome woman lol. I hate to admit that for a few reasons, including the vulnerability that comes from speaking about my flaws.. Yet, I feel fine stating that because I know that it is a past truth and not something that I need to continue to carry around with me. Now I know that my worth cannot be figured out by a math equation: other people's opinions+ trying really to please people -my own feelings/ the time I invested in them. I know now that the total of my worth is about ME and I set those boundaries. I am worthy, not because I am dating X or friends with Y or driving Z, but because of who I am.
That means that on my bad days I am still worthy of happiness, respect and the energy it takes to keep a smile on my face. I am worthy because I know that I have done the work to find my self worth. I remind myself daily how great I am, how funny and encouraging I am-not because I am cocky, but because most days I used to tell myself "you're almost a good person" or "if such and such is upset, you need to fix it!". Changing the language that I use to speak to myself has really changed my thoughts. We all know that your thoughts control your actions and so forth, so it is no surprise that I am happier when I spend so much time working on retraining myself to think more positively. Don't get me wrong, it is hard work and it requires me to be honest, I know that I cannot change my thoughts if I don't change the basis of those thoughts. Am I confusing you?? lol If you're confused think of the movie Inception, they had to change not just the circumstances but the smallest detail of the dreams/thoughts of their subjects. You gotta learn to do some "Inception" type stuff on yourself lol pay attention to those reoccurring bad thoughts and work to correct them. Not all at one time, but as much as you feel comfortable.
I want you to understand that if you feel less than whole, if you feel broken or splintered you are in fact a whole and beautiful person. All the parts of you are for a bigger purpose than you may ever have thought about. Your worth is not about what you have or don't have, its about who you are. We all are worth something and sometimes its hard to see that in the context of a person and not a "system" you belong to ( aka a family, a group of friends, a job, a school, a tax bracket!), but you are worth everything you want. That doesn't mean you will get it, but that is also NOT a matter of your worth. Take the time to appreciate who you are and stop stressing yourself out with bad ass math. YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH!
Enjoy your day and try to change one negative , nagging thought you had today. Mine is "If I eat that food I will feel bad after", I have changed that to three options. 1) "I will feel bad, so I won't eat that!" 2) "I am hungry, I should find something that doesn't make me feel bad!" and 3) "You are feeling bad about a decision you have not made yet, that feeling will be multiplied if you continue to focus on it. Focus on something else for 15 minutes"...have options! Talk tomorrow! #BorrowSeason
Texas Instruments has yet to make a calculator to figure out self worth! #NoCalculator
Pretty much sums it up..#LoveCake